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PORTLAND, Maine – Nicolle (Nici) Carbone, Esq. has been hired as the new Executive Director of the Kids First Center, a local non-profit agency that has been focusing on helping children and parents cope with the effects of separation and divorce since its founding in 1998.

Nici comes to Kids First with a wealth of relevant experience. With a law degree, as well as a Masters degree in marriage and family therapy, she offers a deep understanding and appreciation for the two professions that originally came together and founded the Center.  Providing educational and collaborative opportunities for attorneys and mental health professionals around the complex legal and emotional issues surrounding divorce and separation is an important tenet of the Kids First mission. 

“This is a very exciting time for the Kids First Center,” says Kimberly Kump, Chair of the Board of Directors. “Nici is a welcome addition to our agency, and we are confident that under her leadership, Kids First will carry on our mission of helping children thrive by supporting families throughout the state of Maine who are facing the painful challenges of divorce and separation. Our founding Executive Director, Peg Libby, leaves a legacy at the Center and we feel strongly that Nici is the right person to move us forward upon Peg’s retirement in May.”

Nici’s interest in both family work and the legal world have helped to bring her to the Kids First Center team.  Nici has extensive experience with children and families, and particularly, a deep concern for the plight of children in difficult family situations.

“I am passionate about improving the experiences of children in our community,” says Carbone. “The separation and divorce of a child’s parents can be one of the most trying, and often traumatic, experiences of one’s life. The Kids First Center helps children and parents address and process the grief, loss, and myriad range of emotions that come with this changing family dynamic. The Center also supports children by assisting their separating parents in putting their Kids First. I couldn’t be more honored to be part of such an important organization.”

Nici was trained in marriage and family therapy by The Family Clinic at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven, CT, where she obtained her Masters degree, and with Milford Youth and Family Services in Milford, CT, where she interned. Prior to and during this time, she spent several years working with domestic violence agencies in Connecticut and Florida, both as a community/professional educator and a child advocate. Nici then received her Juris Doctor degree from the University of Maine School of Law. While at Maine Law, she worked at and was a student attorney for the Cumberland Legal Aid Clinic, was an extern with the Office of the Attorney General, Child Protection Division, and was a recipient of a Public Service scholarship to intern with Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), where she also volunteered as a Guardian ad litem. Following law school, Nici worked as a Guardian and eventually became part of the staff at CASA, assisting volunteer Guardians in child abuse and neglect cases for the State of Maine Judicial Branch.

Nici has developed her administrative, leadership, and staff/volunteer management expertise in nonprofit and governmental organizations. Most recently, while working for the American Heart Association, Nici worked with hundreds of dedicated volunteers, not only to raise awareness about heart disease and stroke, but to raise approximately 1.5 million dollars for essential research and prevention education. She has left her position as a Manager at the Maine Judicial Branch to join Kids First, where for three years she supervised two departments, oversaw several major policy changes, and managed the implementation of a new digital technology system for the courts.

Nici is passionate about education as a tool for growth. She has taught students from grammar school to college, has co-facilitated psycho-educational batterer intervention groups, and is a professional ice skating coach, working with figure skating and hockey students for almost 30 years. She obtained her Bachelors degrees in Arts and Education at the University of Prince Edward Island, Canada.

In her spare time, Nici likes to travel, spend time with friends and family, read a great book, see a great film, and most importantly, spend time with her dog and her husband.
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By Mary M. Swann, Associate Director of Kids First, and Amy Reynolds, group facilitator

Many of you have expressed curiosity about what exactly goes on in the after-school support groups we run here at the Kids First Center. Parents frequently share with us how much their children looked forward to coming each week (after their initial reticence, which is common), and kids tell us how much we’ve helped them “get things out.”  Read on to hear a first-hand account of this group experience from one of our wonderful group facilitators, Amy Reynolds. (Amy works at Day One as an Adolescent Substance Abuse Counselor and also with Cumberland County Crisis Response.  Her parents divorced when she was a young adult).

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What does the first session (week 1) of your 6-week kids group look like?
Many of the kids report being nervous and not wanting to come to the group. They often are very quiet and eager to learn what the group is going to be like. They warm up rather quickly when they can relate to a few of their peers and participate in some ice breakers. Usually by the end of the class they are much more outgoing and future planning for the next session.

How does the demeanor of the kids change over the course of the six weeks?
I find that it takes the first two weeks to build trust and rapport, but many of the kids who were initially very quiet have usually become equally participatory. In my experience, there is often one kid in the group who can get more wiggly than the rest, but this distraction frequently helps those who are more quiet feel better about sharing something in hopes of trying to relate.

What kinds of activities do you do?
Most popular are making masks, playing games like forced choice, the arts and crafts of making t-shirts and bugs. I even tried a game show one day where they made their own nicknames. The kids also do enjoy the snacks and anticipated pizza party!

Are there common themes in the things that kids typically want to talk about?
The kids mostly want to talk about the impact of parents fighting, the difficulties of travelling between two houses, wanting to be with one parent more than the other, and the fear around parents starting to date.

How do you address these issues?
Much of the work is getting the kids to name their fears and concerns instead of wearing the mask of being “Happy” about the divorce. Many fear telling their parents how they feel about the divorce because they don’t want to upset parents who appear to already be upset. Also reiterating many times that divorce is never their fault.

Do you feel like the kids respond differently hearing these things from a neutral source?
Yes, they have said that they have a hard time believing parents because they fear they are just trying to make them feel better, and they refer to conversations they’ve overheard. They also talk about the pressure that they feel having to be the go-between with their parents, and feel pressured to take sides. The group setting with their peers provides a place to just feel and think without the pressures and fears of disappointing or hurting anyone.

How do the kids benefit from interacting with their peers in the group? 
They don’t feel quite so alone, as if they are the only ones going through this hard time.  It really helps to relate to other kids their own age. I feel like when one has the courage to say something heavy and honest in group, there is a domino effect of others wanting to release a feeling or a thought. It can be very powerful.
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What kind of closure is there at the end of the six weeks?
The kids participate in a Pizza Party and recap of the group. I had the kids make positive comments/messages to each peer to put in their decorated coping skills jar on the last day. Some kids decided to give other kids their phone numbers. Some kids choose to repeat groups, which we welcome.