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The Kids First Program for Women
The women who come to the Kids First Program for Women
often feel that they are alone because the abusers
in their lives have isolated them and cut them off
from family and friends. When they hear the stories
from other women, they let out a big sigh of relief and
realize they are in a room "where people get it." Many
women have been told for years that they are "no good",
"crazy", and many other words that have chipped
away at their self esteem. When they arrive at KFP
for Women, they often feel that they really are "crazy." An
important idea we talk about at the program is that they
are "not crazy," but the situations they have
come from "make them feel crazy." Story
after story after story emphasizes the despair, the
hurt, the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse they have
suffered at the hands of their partners. The stories
become overwhelming, but they are also important as a step
toward getting their lives back and their power back.
They begin to see what they need to do for themselves and
for their children; for their children have lived lives
of abuse as well.
It is so hard to make one's way back from years of abuse.
Abusers minimize, deny, and blame. Many people feel
that they are further victimized in a court system that makes
it a "he said, she said” debate, especially if there
are no physical signs of abuse or police reports to back
up their claims. It is a very discouraging time for
women, but we give them hope, tools, and skills during
the Kids First Program for Women to help them move
forward. Women often ask "why do they do this?"
Our answer is "because they can."
As
a society, we still need to be better at holding abusers,
both men and women, accountable for their abuse and
be better at believing survivors who share their horrible
and troubling stories of abuse. Yes, most abusers
can be very charming and believable in front of police,
judges, lawyers, etc. It is time for society to believe
this vulnerable group of victims; the men, women and children
who suffer such emotional, verbal, and physical harm from
the people who supposedly love them.
"What's love got to do with it?"
Betsy Van Betuw, LCSW
Kids
First Program for Women facilitator
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